Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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