Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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