Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
