this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Randomize
