i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
