Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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