WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
