Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
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