Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
My ass is underappreciated
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
