I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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