I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
