PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
