what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Randomize
