I like to think it a success when the cops are called
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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