fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
