The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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