dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
