I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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