At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
