You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I just gargled with NyQuil
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
