Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
