Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
