laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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