Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
