I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
you never un-have a 4some
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
