She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did we literally take a cab across the street
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
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