4 words: hood of his car
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
