if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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