I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
