She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
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