The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Randomize
