i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
