is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
