:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
