Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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