I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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