A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
