He disabled his match.com account in front of me
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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