I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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