something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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