How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
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