You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
