There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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