Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
dude. I can hear the air.
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