I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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