I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
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I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
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