can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
