so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
