I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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