I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
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