you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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