I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Randomize
