I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
