Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
should my penis look like a turkey
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
