I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
