He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
