I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
