I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
