Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
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At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
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I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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