I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
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Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
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You are the jesus of drinking
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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