his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
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