so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
