what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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