it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
