I never want to see another naked old woman again.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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