I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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