how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
