we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
We don't watch enough power rangers
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
