That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
