They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
