Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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